Hello my beautiful readers, I hope you’re all ready for one of my in-depth, personal, and life-lesson-abundant posts today. Remember that time I dedicated an entire post encouraging you to find happiness in being selfish? Or when I invited you to “either admire the moves I make, or motivate me more with your hate.” And let’s not forget the many times I’ve preached my gospel of gratitude… here, here, and here!
Today I’m going to share part one of my newest life chapter with you I’m calling UNBOTHERED. Background for those who don’t know: I saw this question once, “If your life was a book what would this chapter be called?” and I now I title all chapters of my life on here, haha! Now that I’ve mastered being Selfish with me, myself, and my time—meaning spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally—Unbothered became a natural next step. Being 110% focused on bettering myself and truly cultivating gratitude has kiiiiind of mellowed me out. I’m Type-A and a perfectionist, but practicing gratitude (I’m telling you THIS is the real secret of life- they didn’t teach positive thinking correctly in that book, the first step is gratitude!) has made me more aware of my surroundings, environment, and blessings. It also makes me trust the universe and my journey/process so much more. Let go and let God, I guess! 🙂
This doesn’t mean I don’t have any stress or problems—I have a lot! I just choose to handle them more positively. And today I’m going to break it down for you a little by answering one of my most asked questions: “How do I move to New York and get my dream job?”
How Being Emotionally Unbothered Lands Your ‘Dream Job’
It’s extremely humbling to receive so many messages from young women both in college and high school asking me for career advice. Their sweet words truly warm my heart and remind me that I must be doing something right in this world—at least on my social media profiles, haha! I don’t know if it’s because it’s graduation time, but my inbox and DMs are overflowing with questions as of late and I feel it’s easier to put my biggest piece of advice on here. When it comes to work (and giving advice), I don’t mess around. I’m direct and honest and if you are reading this and contemplating moving to New York, here it is: STOP. BEING. SO. SENSITIVE.
You want to work in New York. This is the city where dreams come true, but only if you are willing to work for it. I can’t tell you how many people I know come here and settle (aaah the S- word!) for some mediocre job and then give up chasing their dream. Or they keep complaining about wanting the next step, but get discouraged sooo easily. Oh, boo hoo, you didn’t hear back yet? Keep applying. This is the age of social media, where you can (depending on what field you’re in) slide into DMs and sell yourself if need be. Stop acting spoiled and do not expect anything here. New York means a fresh start. People don’t come to New York knowing who they are. They come here to make the most of it and discover themselves in the process.
Listen, I am extremely emotional. Like, I’m probably one of the most emotional people in this city of dreams, but when it comes to work, I’m a total G. I think this stems from one of my very first restaurant jobs back in the day. I was 19 years old (wow, almost 10 years ago!) and it was peak shit-hitting-the-fan at home. You know, the dad leaving, failing school, bad friends chapter of my life? Anyways, I was working at a pretty famous steakhouse as a hostess/reservationist and went into work with a wet face full of tears and my head hanging down. Well not only did the floor manager notice, but his manager, a scary woman named Becky, noticed and she pulled me aside so quick, it scared the tears out of my eyes.
She looked at me and in the most straight forward tone I’ve ever heard asked, “What’s wrong?” You know what I did? I stayed silent. 1- because I didn’t exactly know how to talk about all the crazy things happening at home (was I even allowed to?) and 2- something in her tone made me think she didn’t actually really care about my problems. That’s when it dawned on me that she wasn’t firing me, but was giving me a chance to make that choice myself. Either I was going to put on my game face when I walked into work or be fired for acting like a little bitch. It was like she was reading my thoughts because she said, “Either you’re going to tell me what’s wrong or you’re going to work.”
Guys, I was SHOOK. It was then that my inner dialogue went something like, “You have a job you’re actually really good at and they don’t want to lose you. In fact, they want you to keep being good at your job. Stop being a little bitch, Azadeh. You’re lucky you have a job, be grateful and do it.”
I have never forgotten this lesson and it’s been the foundation of my success career-wise. When I walk into work, nothing else matters. When I went to class (after I got my education back on track!), nothing else mattered. Of course there’s the occasional exception, like, God forbid, a family emergency, or a couple weeks ago my credit cards were stolen the day before I left the country and I cried on the phone with my bank. But besides those moments, it’s all about being emotionally unbothered because in the end, I have a job I truly do love. There are so many many people who are struggling to find a job. A year ago, I was one of those people. I was applying, applying, applying. I had job alerts turned on my phone and was even waking up early while on summer vacation in France to send at least a couple resumes a day.
That leads me to another piece of advice once you actually have a job: STOP. BEING. SO. SENSITIVE.
Oh wait, wasn’t that what I said earlier? Looks like the same piece of advice applies here! You want to land your dream job and keep it? Then you have to be strong and emotionally unbothered. If you take every email, interaction, or last minute request with your higher-ups to heart, you’ll burn out. You know how many times a day I finish something I think is great, but then it gets ripped apart? So what! It’s just critique from people who have been doing this longer than me and know better. I can’t be acting entitled or hurt. I’m SO damn happy to be employed—and at such an amazing place with truly remarkable people—I refuse to let little things get to me. This is part of the process. I need to learn the lessons to progress.
If I wasn’t emotionally unbothered when it came to work, I wouldn’t be where I am. Whenever people say I have a ‘dream job,’ it’s just a reminder to stay grateful. A couple years ago, in my mid-twenties, I was interning with no pay, and getting coffee for people YOUNGER than me. It was beyond degrading. A girl even spread lies and got me fired (I’ve never shared this story with anyone before) from a job I was breaking my back for and it almost cost me the final credits I needed to get my undergraduate degree. To this day, I do not know what she said, but I remember being humiliated by my boss (a 22-year old, I was 25) and being accused of such ridiculous nonsense that didn’t apply to me in any way. I didn’t even get a chance to cry over that; I went straight to both my dean and HR and handled it, and within 48 hours I had an even better position at a better brand, with pay. Now look at me. Unbothered.
So my little queens messaging me for career advice, you have to stay strong and emotionally unbothered. You won’t hear back from the first or maybe even 10th place you apply to, but don’t give up. Be an emotional gangster. Stay tuned for the next 3 parts of my Unbothered series in the coming weeks! And I didn’t talk about my look here, but you can shop it below! 🙂
XoXo, Photos C/O Daniel Kerrigan